I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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