You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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