PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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