Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
