i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
