I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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