bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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