I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
