im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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