I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
