Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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