I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
