So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
