from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
