He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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