Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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