I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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