my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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