you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
