it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
