Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
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I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
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and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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