:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
