You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
