I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
