she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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