what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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