Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
