the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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