This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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