do herpes really smell.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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