Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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