I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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