You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
