this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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