some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
