I love black thongs
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
