She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
