im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
