Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
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BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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