apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
