1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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