my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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