i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
