He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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