I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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