yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
