Are we in a gay sports bar?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It was confusing and full of hummus
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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