HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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