I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
