five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
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This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
PANTIES FOUND
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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