Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
