Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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