Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
