We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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