when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
