I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
At least life still wants to fuck me.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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