my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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