I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
