Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
