While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
