$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize