Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
