The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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